glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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