This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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