we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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