My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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