I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
