if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
