never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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