i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
