I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
