Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
