I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
