I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
bring money and cleavage
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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