remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Just high enough for therapy.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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