"it" just moved
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
