She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
