Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
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