When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
