Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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