she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
