There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
