Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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