Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
So many bounce houses so little time
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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