I smell stomach acid.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Randomize
