Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
