I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
