So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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