I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
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After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
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I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
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