We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Randomize
