Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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