I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
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No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
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Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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