need another drink. this is the easiest way
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
