he was CRYING into my vagina
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
