I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
two words...techno handjob
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
