hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
