Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
