You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
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My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
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110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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