is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
