Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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