Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I love you.
Bad choice
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
