Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
