Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
