I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
