He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
