My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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