the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
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Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
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