where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
