I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
