My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
