did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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