I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
