hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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