Taylor Swift is so right about you.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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