It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
