Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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