Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
