Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I party with great urgency now.
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