My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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