I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
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at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm like, not good at living.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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