i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize