i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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