people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
