I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i already hear my dad disowning me
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
