never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize