You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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