What a fucking waste of an outfit
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
