I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
