i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
