Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
